


sunday kind of love

by missamericas



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, more characters/ships will be added as they're mentioned, nursey has three parents and they're a poly triad, will is trans and has a twin sister and four other siblings! it's great
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-10-10 09:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10435176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missamericas/pseuds/missamericas
Summary: Attending Andover is hard.He realizes sometime during his first year that he can’t just go upstairs to his parent's room. He can’t peek his head through their bedroom door and smile once he sees both his mothers snuggling, inviting him in between them. He can’t join his father in his study (when he’s not deployed) as they read in comfortable silence. He can’t lay his head in their laps while they card their fingers through his curls. He can’t feel the thousands of kisses pressed against the apples of his cheeks. And he can’t feel the spaces between his fingers filled with theirs.He can’t go into his sister’s room and plop himself on her bed while she’s dicking around on the internet. They can’t sneak alcohol from their parent's stash and make their way to their garden in the backyard; talking about anything and everything.And he hates it.





	1. i.

Attending Andover is  _ hard. _

He realizes sometime during his first year that he can’t just go upstairs to his parent's room. He can’t peek his head through their bedroom door and smile once he sees both his mothers snuggling, inviting him in between them. He can’t join his father in his study (when he’s not deployed) as they read in comfortable silence. He can’t lay his head in their laps while they card their fingers through his curls. He can’t feel the thousands of kisses pressed against the apples of his cheeks. And he can’t feel the spaces between his fingers filled with theirs.

He can’t go into his sister’s room and plop himself on her bed while she’s dicking around on the internet. They can’t sneak alcohol from their parent's stash and make their way to their garden in the backyard; talking about anything and everything. 

And he  _ hates _ it.

\---

Home was Derek’s favorite place. No matter where he was, he always saw someone that looked different from him. With three parents that all varied in races, different was Derek’s favorite thing to be.

But no one told him that different at Andover put a target on your back.

Many thought the kid with three parents was the child of some big sex scandal. Or the kid of the ‘dirty immigrant’ if they happened to catch him slipping into Spanish. Or the kid who was just like all the other negroes, that no matter how much money his family had or where he was; he would still be beneath them.

The problem was Derek never grew up feeling different from the people around him; because for as long as he could remember  _ everyone _ around him was different. Andover was nothing but a sea of white people that made Derek constantly miss the familiarity of New York.

The first person Derek remembers actually liking at Andover was Shitty Knight. Shitty, (that's not his real name, Derek doesn't even know his real name, it's weird.) who was crass, loud, and warm; accepted Derek with a bright smile and a warm hug.

Shitty made Andover bearable. They instantly bonded over hockey; Shitty who learned to skate when he was about six or seven. An eager young boy desperately trying to impress a father who wanted nothing to do with him. In the end, it didn't work out, but Shitty definitely fell in love with the sport. And Derek who was taught to skate around the same age by his own father, one thing they always tried to do together when he wasn't away on active duty.

So Derek tried out for the hockey team at Andover. Most to get Shitty to stop pestering him about it, but also because he wanted to be on the team. He likes it and Shitty is there, two things that help Derek (Now ‘Nursey’, it's a hockey thing) feel at ease about being away from his family. He has a new family now, he thinks. Or at least he has Shitty. 

Shitty was around for a lot of Nursey’s firsts. The first real friend he made at Andover. His first best friend. The first person he came out to. The first person who introduced marijuana to him. The first boy he liked... Which Shitty doesn't know about. And Nursey would probably take that to his grave. 

All of that made Shitty graduating and going off to college hard. For the first two years of Nursey’s time at Andover, Shitty made it a home away from home. A whiter home with crappy unseasoned food, but a home nonetheless.

“We’ll keep in touch, right?” Nursey asked nervously as the two of them passed a joint between them. They were in Shitty’s dorm, he somehow lucked out and never saw his roommate. While Nursey’s roommate reminded of him Marilyn Manson and gave him _‘mad weird vibes man.’_

Shitty laughed, or well it was more like a chuckle. It's sounded round if that's possible. Round and bright, Nursey would've found it comforting if he didn't think Shitty was laughing at him.

“‘Course dude, did you think I'm just gonna fuck off to college and not check in every once in awhile? Not come back to see you kick major ass?” High Shitty and sober Shitty aren't that different. Probably because Shitty had been smoking long before he took Nursey under his wing. Any changes are probably unnoticeable by now.

Nursey, on the other hand, was still new to the scene at the time; he felt light but also grounded. Sometimes he’d be thrown into a giggle fit because of the way Shitty’s eyebrows were, or how baby-faced he looked when he shaved. But that night there was no giggling. Only a pool of anxiety swimming in Nursey’s stomach, pulling him into himself, into unknown waters: An Andover without Shitty.

“Well, yeah. You’ll be off doing whatever the fuck it is you're gonna be doing at Samwell. Wasn't expecting you to come back, especially for me.” Nursey shrugs avoiding Shitty’s eye. He knows he's going to get some type of lecture. Surprisingly, he doesn't; Shitty just looks at him with soft eyes and wraps his arm around Nursey's neck.

“Nah, dude. We’re gonna be as tight as ever.” He tugged Nursey closer and planted a scratchy kiss on his temple. “We’re gonna text so much you're gonna be like ‘god can't this asshole just fuck off already?’”

Nursey rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile, his chest felt as if it was glowing.

He was going to miss this fucker.

\---

The summer before his junior year was one Nursey would probably remember for the rest of his life. For the first time in almost four years, his parents and sister were all able to be home. For this rare occasion, the Nurse family packed their backs and headed for Europe.

Nursey spent his summer days going to museums and trying different foods. Being around so many different cultures and people that it reminded him of New York.

It was the week he spent in Paris that he first fell in love with poetry. He remembered waking up to the sun shining through the window of his hotel room, and the breeze whistling softly. He made his way towards the common area where he finds his father on the balcony with a pair of glasses smushed against his face and a book in his hand. 

It took Nursey a moment for him to realize his father was speaking in Spanish, and another to realize he was reciting a poem. Not being as fluent as his father was, it always took his mind a moment to make sense of his second language. But he hears the rhythm, the way his father’s smooth voice dips with certain words. He’s captivated, and soon he found himself walking towards his Thomas; only to find his mothers and sister sitting across from him just as hypnotized as he was.

“Who’s that?” Derek asked, standing in the threshold that lead to the balcony.

“Pablo Neruda.”

Sometimes when Nursey heard people talk about their parents at Andover he overheard some things. About fighting and being estranged; don’t get him wrong, his parents had arguments. But he knew they were in love. There was so much love between the three of them that he never had to question it. And at that moment, he remembered actually seeing it. It was then that Derek knew the one thing he wanted was a love similar to one his parents shared.

Maybe what made their love seem so magical was because they were all best friends. There were so many times he caught them all laughing together about an inside joke. He would've felt out of place if the sight didn't warm his heart.

Being in Europe only made their love more palpable. They'd point at various things and constantly ask Derek or Dorothea to take their picture. They kissed and held hands and smeared chocolate on each other's faces. It was like some fairy tale, but this was his life, and these were his parents.

He was vacationing in the city of love with his sister and their parents who seemed to walk on love themselves. This was the first time he felt the itch, the urge to put pen to paper and get the words out that were swimming around in his brain.

Dragging his family into the nearest bookstore, he bought a journal. It was a simple one, with a copy of _Woman with a Parasol - Madame Monet and Her Son_ on the cover.

From that moment on he spent the remainder of his summer observing. Watching the new cities he was in, the various people that crossed his path and the everlasting love that surrounded his parents.

\---

The worst thing about good times is that they always come to an end. Going back to Andover for his junior year was not on the top of Derek’s ‘Things I Want To Do List’.

Without Shitty there it didn’t seem like it would be as exciting. He wouldn’t get to watch Shitty go off on the privileged white kids, he wouldn’t be there at team breakfast, or help him run drills. He wouldn’t even be there for the late night talks laced with weed and alcohol. Everything was changing and Nursey hated it.

He wasn’t ready but he was going to do it. He was going to go into his junior year and make it his bitch. He didn’t need Shitty there to hold his hand (he told himself this so many times until he believed it). He was an upperclassman now! He could do this!

Or so he thought.

Derek was never particularly a ‘hard’ kid. For most of his childhood, his parents shielded him from the way the world viewed him. He was showered with love so constantly that his heart was as soft as ever. It wasn’t a bad thing, until everyone at Andover realized Shitty wasn’t there. Shitty who was unapologetic about his social views. If there was ever an inkling of a racial slur within five feet of Nursey, Shitty shut it down. Now, he was returning without Shitty and Nursey was there to fend for himself.

It started out small, his hockey team started to distance themselves from him. When he walked into a room they would stop talking or stare at him openly. And yeah, it was weird at first but with Shitty gone and with his new found love for poetry, Nursey found himself a new crowd to hang with.

There was Florence who looked sweet as pie but could probably murder you with her pinky. She was tiny and cut-throat, she loved like her life depended on it and her poetry always left Nursey aching. She reminded him of Shitty in a way, the way she saw the lost boy in a new environment and willingly took him under her wing.

Then there was Sterling, who yes, is very white but somehow one of the coolest white people Nursey has ever met. Besides like his dad and Shitty. Sterling was the first person that Nursey met that was not in the gender binary. The concept blew Nursey’s mind so much that all he wanted to do was be around Sterling. Sterling’s pronouns were they and them and Nursey conditioned himself to get them right. Thanks to Sterling, Nursey began to explore his own gender expression. The journey was one unlike any other. Sterling and Florence, who were dating long before Nursey met either of them, felt like his weird surrogate parents in some twisted poetic way.

Sterling was also a writer, but not a poet like their girlfriend. Sterling wrote romance and constantly they used Nursey as a guinea pig. As someone who knew what loved looked like, Nursey ate up anything Sterling sent him.

Stevie was a girl who probably kidnapped Stevie Nicks, hid her in a basement and stole her soul. Every time Nursey was around Stevie he felt inspired, he felt at ease. She wasn’t a poet or a writer like their other friends, she wasn’t even a musician like everyone assumed. No, Stevie was an actress. A woman who was a million different people wrapped up into one. When Nursey watched her, he almost believed she was every role she played.

And last but not least, Cordelia. Cordelia was the musician of their ragtag group of friends. The first instrument she learned was piano when she was six, then guitar when she was ten. Deciding she was going to be an overachiever she dwelled into other classical instruments like flute and violin. Not to mention she wrote and sang her own songs.

These four people were who Nursey spent his remaining years at Andover with. They laughed, they cried, they picked Nursey up when he was down. And he loves them for that. He doesn’t think he would’ve made it out of Andover if it wasn’t for the four of them. Their passions to eclectic personalities to varying ethnicities made Nursey feel like he had a little piece of New York with him.  

\---

'Locker room talk' was something new to Nursey. It was never a thing that existed when Shitty was around, but with him gone his teammates felt like they had freedom of speech to say whatever they fuck they wanted.

_“See the thing about freedom of speech Jeremy, is that it protects you from the government, not from being called out on being an insensitive dickwad.”_

That sounds like something Shitty would’ve said, or Derek if he had the nerve to do it. The truth was, without Shitty around Nursey wasn’t fond of his teammates. The only thing keeping him on the team was his love for the sport and a shot at getting into a college with a good hockey program.

The number of racial and homophobic slurs that Nursey heard while putting on his gear was astounding. He wasn’t sure how someone could have the gall or even the heart to say these things so casually when you knew they were used to hurt other people. So Nursey kept his head down and stayed out of conversations. The last thing he wanted was to be targeted.

But Nursey was different, he was a brown boy who was soft, that alone put a target on his back. Somehow word got out about his parents, the very nature of their relationship was unlike anything most of those rich preppy kids had ever heard of. For that very reason, Nursey barely talked about his parents. Rumors about him being the child of a sex scandal buzzed around the school. Soon he was finding slurs written on some of his hockey equipment.

They were doing it to get a rise out of him, he knew that. But it frustrated him. His race wasn’t something he could change. The love his parents shared with each other wasn’t something he was ashamed of. But the people around him -- excluding his actual friends-- felt like it was. Felt like he should hate who he was and who his parents were.

With a heart as soft as his, Nursey felt the tension rising in himself. Like a kettle slowly reaching the point where it whistles. At first, he turns to poetry, he writes and he writes until his vision is blurry. And when on the off chance that didn't work, Nursey smoked until he could touch the clouds.

Now that he’s old enough to see how the world looks at him. How it looks at his mother's, and sometimes even his father. How they assume he’s fully white, watching as their noses turn up in disgust when he speaks his native tongue. He writes to get the pain out, he writes so the waters remain chill. But Nursey should’ve known better, this was just the calm before the storm.

He tries to take the high road, acting like it doesn’t bother him. Like it just rolls off his back. He puts on this mask, a costume if you will.

“It’s chill,” he constantly told his friends. Stevie is a great actress but Nursey thinks he deserves an Oscar anytime he says those words at Andover.

It’s chill for a while, it’s chill because Nursey is busy with hockey and midterms to really dwell on the height of his bullying. So what if his teammates tried to pick fights with him? Or used the n-word when Nursey asked them not to?

He doesn’t even fully remember what was said that pushed him over the edge. Something about his parents, or was it about him? All Nursey knows is he’s done. He’s tired and stressed and so fucking tired of being the object of torment. Especially to people that are supposed to be his friends, family even. He’s done pretending he’s not hurting, he’s done pretending to be chill.

What he does remember is his body going tense, his hands curling into fists at his sides. Nursey never had a temper, he never felt the need to raise his voice or get violent. But he was so tired, all he wanted was to be seen as a person, a full person. Not for the individual things that made him different. He remembers pulling his arm back before it smashes into that asshole’s face. The face of his linemate, Radley Hayward. He remembers punching, and punching, and punching.

He remembers breathing so hard, he remembers the blood. He remembers feeling good, then feeling terrible for feeling good. But most of all, he remembers six words that sometimes still haunt him in his sleep.

_ They’re all the same, you know. _ _  
_

He gets suspended, but Radley doesn’t. Not that it matters when you’re the coach’s son. Nursey squares his shoulders and takes his punishment, a week spent at home doesn’t sound too terrible anyways. 

\---

That week spent at home, Dorothea fawns over her little brother. Flipping between wanting to coddle him and getting in her car and driving to Andover to handle Radley herself. (She probably could, Thea might be shorter than him but she could certainly take on anyone twice her size. Nursey was terrified of her).

There’s a good twelve hours where Nursey was so high he debated not going back to Andover. Proclaiming he was done with ‘all those racist corn chips’. Thea recorded it and showed it to him later.

\---

In the end, he goes back to Andover. And this time it really is chill. Sure, sometimes it gets too much for him to breathe. And he writes until his hand is cramping. But he never loses his ~~cool~~ chill, he never gives them another reason to label him as something he’s not.

He knows that he’s not alone, that with the help of his friends and his family that he can make it to graduation. He can walk across that stage, get his diploma and head off to Samwell in the fall.

It’s chill, he tells himself, so much that he actually believes it. 

  
  



	2. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The point is, Will is terrified of coming out. What’s bugging him is that he doesn’t live in a small town where everyone is up your ass and knows why your cousin twice removed left her third husband. Or had a super religious family. (Like, they go to church or whatever but it’s not that big of a deal). So why the hell was he so freaking terrified?

It wasn’t that he lived in a small town, no. Will lived in Portland, Maine. Or that his family was poor, they were well off. Well, now at least. There was a time his ‘brand new’ clothes for the new school year used to be his older brothers and those long years when  _ both _ of his parents had to have two jobs to keep things running smoothly.

That’s beside the point.

The point is, Will is  _ terrified _ of coming out. What’s bugging him is that he doesn’t live in a small town where everyone is up your ass and knows why your cousin twice removed left her third husband. Or had a super religious family. (Like, they go to church or whatever but it’s not  _ that _ big of a deal). So why the hell was he so freaking terrified?

His twin sister, Wyatt asked this question at least twenty times a week.

“I just don’t think they’d kick you out, or whatever the hell it is you’re so scared of,” Wyatt said, the bubble gum she was chewing popped in her mouth; irritating her brother. With his shoulders to his ears, he sat on his bed, tense.

His parents were good people. They didn’t sneer at queer people, they didn’t believe in spanking their children. They volunteered when they were able to, and they were kind and just to everyone around them. But would that be enough?

They never fused when he told them he wanted to cut his hair short. They never told him ‘no’ when he wanted to dress more like his dad instead of his mom. They did nothing but support him anytime he asked, so why couldn’t he shake the feeling that coming out would end the worst way possible?

“You don't get it. It's one thing to let your kid do whatever the fuck they want when you think it's a phase. But once I come out to them it's going to be real. I can't take it back.” Will whispered the last bit, looking anywhere but his sister's face.

Sometimes, he wished he liked his feminine features. And you know, maybe he would if everyone else didn’t see him as a girl. The features the women in his family had were beautiful. To him at least. Bright red hair, and orange eyes they couldn’t explain. Big ears that stuck out and freckles that looked like splattered paint. He hoped when he was finally able to get hormones he and Wyatt would still be seen as twins.

Wyatt stared at him, a soft smile on her face. Reaching over and pulling Will into an awkward side hug.

“I know I don't get it. I'm sorry. I just don't think they’ll take it horribly. But I understand if you don't want to tell them yet. Or at all. Whatever decision you make, I’m in your corner.”

“Thanks, Wy.”

So, Will is transgender. It’s taken him a while to like, admit it to himself. But here he is. He’s transgender and he wants to go on hormones. He wanted to change his name, he wanted top surgery. This is what he wanted. This is who he is and finally, the world makes sense.

 

\---

 

Will can't remember a time he wasn't picked on at school growing up. Mostly because of the constant money situation his family had. Or maybe they could sense something was wrong with him, that’s what Will’s brain told him at least.

It especially didn't help that Will had a smart mouth, which got him into sticky situations more times than he could count. He knew he should probably keep his mouth shut, but Will wasn't particularly good at doing things that were smart.

As he got older, and the bullying continued; he started to fight back. His quick tongue always seemed to earn him a quick punch to the gut. And while Wyatt always tried to advise him to stop giving his bullies what they wanted, Will continued to give it to them. Why? Because for some twisted reason Will liked it. Like that they’d punch him even if they thought he was a girl. When he was defending himself he didn’t feel like a girl, he felt like himself. The person he knew he was meant to be.

“They just want to get a rise out of you Will, just try to ignore them, okay? They'll go away.” Wyatt would always say, then again she was always better at this than he was. When she got bullied she just smiled and walked away, like it didn't matter at all. 

So he tried, the last person he'd want to disappoint is his sister, his best friend, one of the only people he fully trusts. He tries, though it’s not a valiant effort. But Wyatt never got mad at him, never shouted and told him he was stupid. Though he’s sure he deserves it when he gets into a really bad fight that landed him in the principal's office with a start of a black eye and bruised knuckles.

In retrospect, he thinks he could've walked away. But he was addicted to fighting, addicted to feeling his hands fight. Fighting for himself for once. Because if he couldn’t come out and tell his parents the truth about him, he could stand up to some bullies, right?

Wyatt sat next to him rubbing his back, ignoring the guidance counselor telling her she needed to go back to class.

“I'm not leaving.” She snapped harshly. Unafraid of the repercussions of talking back to an adult if it meant she got to stay with her brother. Will really loved her.

He gets suspended a week before school lets out for the summer. Will laughed at the irony as Wyatt and he walk home. Silence fell over them and the wind breezes past as Will stopped.

“I'm gonna tell them.” He started, his eyes staring off into the distance. Wyatt turned around quickly, unsure she heard him right.

“What?” She blinked and waited.

“I'm going to come out. To everyone.”

“Are you sure?” After giving Wyatt a nod, Will was engulfed into a warm hug.

“I'm so proud of you. Whatever happens, I'm in your corner.”

 

\---

 

Come to find out, Will’s parents? Pretty cool with him being trans. His father needed Will to explain it like five times, his mother  _ and _ Wyatt cried. They conferenced in their older siblings Nick and Bea who moved out a couple years back.

He's not sure if Cooper and Olivia completely understand what's going on but they told him they were proud of him nonetheless, which is like really awesome.

“Do you have a name?” His father asked as their eating dinner. He pressed his fist to his mouth, clearing his throat. “A new one, I mean. What would you like to be called?”

He seemed nervous? Will isn't sure but he looked over at Wyatt, she's was smiling like she has a secret she can't tell. She nodded her head and went back to cutting her chicken, waiting for the family to find out.

“William.” He muttered almost too softly, he's nervous; his cheeks flushed bright and he's stared down at his dinner. It's quiet for a mo nt, before he hears his mom.

To him, it made sense to take his father’s name, his father had always done right by his family. Strict but loving, patient and kind. He wasn't afraid to show his emotions, and tell his sons that it was okay to cry. Will was fortunate to have a father who didn't assume all boys were incapable of emotions.

“Oh Will,” using that voice she used to soothe her loved ones. Her hand was on her husband’s, brushing her thumb against the back of his hand. When Will decided to look at his father, he's  _ tearing up _ and Will doesn't know what to do. He's never seen his dad cry. It's kind of weird.

“I'm proud of you son.” Hearing his father say those three words sends Will into his own crying fest. He's overwhelmed with the amount of support he's gotten from his family, never in a million years thinking he'd feel like this.

 

\---

 

In Will’s head, after he came out he assumed he could Officially Start his transition so he would be ready before high school started.

He needed hormones, to change his gender marker on various legal documents, and top surgery. At least that was his list at the moment and boy did he feel in over his head.

Will spent the summer working with his uncles. Rising at the crack of dawn to spend long hours on a boat fishing for lobster. A couple hours of rest before he’s at his uncle's repair shop, under various cars, behind washing machines, and fixing various other things.

Part of him hates it when he’s tired and drinking two cups of coffee before he’s fully awake. Or when he’s always covered in dirt. But another part of him loves it, knowing the money he’s making is going towards hormones and paying for the changes on his legal documents.

It sucks, that for three months instead of going to the beach and being lazy, he’s fishing for lobster or repairing some piece of junk. But when he gets his first shot of testosterone and sends off his documents to get changed; it makes all those early mornings worth it.

The process takes a while, so long that it doesn’t seem possible for Will to get hormones before he started high school in the fall. So long that Will gets upset at the world and gives up hope on  _ one _ good thing happening before school starts again; but it happens. He gets his hormones, he gets his name and gender changed; all a couple days before school is back and Will can’t think of a better way to start his high school career.

 

\---

 

After hounding their parents for two weeks straight, Wyatt and Will start at a new high school for ninth grade. It’s twenty minutes away from the one they were zoned for, and they have to take a city to get there, but they’re happy. Will wasn’t comfortable going to a school where kids knew him pre-transition and Wyatt wasn’t comfortable going to school without Will. This way, Will gets a new start and Wyatt gets to stay with her brother. It was a win/win.

They both take to their new school well, Wyatt falling in with the cheerleaders, and Will with the hockey team. They laugh about it constantly when they're together, amused with the social circles they ended up in. It's new, it's exciting, it's nice. At least, for a while it is.

Being transgender has always taken precedence over anything else in his life; so much, that Will never gave a single thought to his sexuality while figuring out his gender. He does, now that he's on hormones. It's terrifying to think that he feels the same way about his linemate, the same way the girls on the cheerleading squad makes him feel. This is his life now, lord help him.

He doesn't tell anyone at first, not even Wyatt. He's nervous to tell her and the rest of his family. While the past has shown that they love and support him, he doesn't want to come out again. The residual anxiety made him feel like he had to puke hours after. So he keeps it to himself, which in hindsight wasn't the best possible way to go about this.

He becomes angry again, guarded and snappy. Even with Wyatt. It's hard for her to process, her twin, her best friend not wanting to talk to her. Nearly biting her head off when she so much as hinted at getting him to talk. So she stops trying, and they stop talking. Will hates it, but he can't shake this feeling. He already came out! Why was he also attracted to boys, why couldn't he just be straight? 

He goes through his sophomore year of high school alone, mad at himself for being bisexual, mad at himself for not telling Wyatt. Then mad at himself still keeping it from Wyatt, but every time he thought about telling her he was scared.

Things get better when he gets close to his linemate Harrison. He's about Will’s height, he has blond hair and green eyes and Will thinks he's in love. Which is absurd because he's never been in love, but every time Harrison smiles he thinks he knows what love feels like.

Harrison is the first person besides Wyatt to be successful at breaking down Will’s defenses. He charming and smooth, a massive nerd Will comes to find out. He loves Star Wars, after being named after Harrison Ford. He lives with his mom and his little brother Luke. Apparently, his mom was a Star Wars fanatic as well.

They click after Harrison’s constant invitations to hang out. Will isn't sure what to think of it at first. They're defensemen together, and yeah they work well on ice but Will has never had a friend that wasn't Wyatt. Mostly because he was dealing with his own shit and the only person he felt himself around was her. So this? Is weird. He feels like he lacks basically social skills when he's talking to Harrison.

But soon enough, they're best friends. They go to practice together, work out together, study together. It's new and exciting and when Will finds himself falling for Harrison he thinks he's going to fuck this up. Because what are the chances of two guys on his hockey team being queer?

It isn't until they're at a party that Will learns he's wrong. It's weird to think he actually got invited to a party. A typical high school party where the parents are gone for the weekend and someone's older sibling decided to take pity on their younger peers and give them booze. There was weed and mainstream music, bass loud enough to feel the vibrations match your pulse. It's wild but Will loves it.

Everyone's fairly buzzed when they start playing a hybrid game of spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven. It feels juvenile, but Will joins the circle nonetheless; sits next to his sister, who was also invited. It's the first time they've shared a smile in so long, it pulled his chest tight.

He watched as the bottle spun in a circle and pairs walked off towards the nearest closet. He noticed how some couples went in barely touching and coming out with dopey grins on their faces, rosy cheeks, and hidden faces. Other couples come out unchanged, ignoring each other as they did before.

It's Wyatt’s turn and she spins the bottle, for some reason Will is anxious. His eyes follow the bottle as it lands on someone across from him. He looks up and sees a pretty girl. She has deep olive skin and big brown eyes. Her hair curly, and she smiles when she locks eyes with Wyatt. When she stands up she about a foot shorter than Wyatt, which is hilarious because Wyatt is already shorter than him.

They walk off to the closet and the door is shut behind them, Will takes in everyone around him. Various guys taking bets on how far they've gotten already in a crude manner, Will makes a face and rolls his eyes.

“Hey, fuck off that's my sister.” He hears himself say. Eyes turn to him and he watches their faces as they size him up.

“Sorry man.”

Soon enough, their time is up and the pair came out. There's a blush high on Wyatt’s cheeks, the Poindexter skin is as pale as can be. He hates it personally, but watching Wyatt blush is amusing on so many levels.

There's hoots and hollering as they take their seats, someone else makes a joke about watching them make out. And with every ounce of fire he knew his sister had, she gave him the bird and everyone around Wyatt cheered her own.

“Take some notes Jacobson, maybe then you'd actually get a girl.” She says before everyone loses their mind, Wyatt shoots a wink towards Bryant Jacobson, a member of their high school football team.

There's so much commotion going on, Will almost misses the bottle slowing down and pointing at him. The next thing he knows he's being shoved towards the door by his sister. Did this mean they were talking again?  He's in the closet with someone pressed up against his back, it's dark and cramped and Will is a little dazed.

“Fancy meeting you here.” The voice says, Will instantly knows it's Harrison and feels his anxiety spike. He turns around and tries to distance himself from him, but his back touches a shelf.

“Harry?” Will calls out, annoyed with how shaky it sounds.

“The one and only.” Silence falls over them, Will can't see Harrison’s face though he wished he could. Maybe he wouldn't be so nervous. “We don't have to do anything you know. I'm cool if you don't want to you know, play the game. I mean I'm gay so I don't care but I'm not sure if you are and I'm not trying to come onto you or whatever but you're cool and I've always kind of had a thing for you and would like to kiss you and I literally just came out to you, oh my god just run me over right now this embarrassing.” The wall of words fall out of Harrison in a rush. The both of them are quiet, hearing the bass from the music.

“I'd like to though. You know, play the game.” Will says awkwardly, avoiding looking in Harrison’s direction even though they can barely see each other. He hears Harrison’s breath hitch before he feels hands searching for his arms.

“Great!” He says too quick and excited, Harrison laughs and backtracks. “I mean, awesome.”

Will laughs too, using his arms to find Harrison’s as they slowly the inch towards each other, not really sure how to kiss your defense man in the closet at a house party.

It takes a few tries before their lips finally close around the others. It's not Will’s first kiss by far, but it's his first kiss with a boy and his body feels... Will isn't sure why he thought kissing a boy would be different than kissing a girl. Even though Harrison might feel slightly rougher, and a tad more aggressive it's not an entirely different world. It's a kiss from someone Will is attracted to.

Harrison’s hands snake their way to Will’s hips, tightening his hold as he pulls Will closer to him. He’s doing the same, fist full of the quarter sleeved plaid shirt Harrison was wearing.

He feels like he could do this for hours, kissing Harrison. He forgets about his issues with repressing his feelings, or that is the longest he's gone without really talking to his sister. (Three months and counting), because at this very moment, Will felt something positive for the first time in forever.

Distracted with the other, neither boy notices the way the closet door swung open, the music growing louder and they pull apart quickly. Will isn't sure how Harrison hasn't turned beat red like himself. 

“Dude. I had no idea Poindexter liked it up the ass.” There's laughter, enough to make Will want to never leave his house again. He catches Wyatt’s eyes and she's really looking at him for the first time in a while. It's the same face she wore when he came out to her years ago. His chest grows tight and he feels like crying. Almost. But instead, he squares his shoulders and molds his face into a neutral expression; walking out the closet.

 

\---

 

At the time, Will didn't know kissing a boy would follow him. For some reason, he assumed it’d be like a fever dream. He could wake up the next day and forget that it happened. But his lips still tingled from where Harrison’s touched his. His mind replayed the feeling of his body pressed against his, and he’d find himself back in the closet (ironic, right?), kissing the boy that’s been haunting his dreams for months.

To say school gets hard is an understatement. Harrison and him are alienated from the rest of their team, the word ‘fag’ is thrown around more times than he could count, not to mention the increasing number of fights he was getting himself into. The worst part of it? All this harassment was coming from guys on his team, guys that were supposed to be there for him.

So yeah, things are bad but he never thought about leaving. He never thought about switching schools or being homeschooled. Will just.. Dealt with it. Got through the day, faced the hardships and went to bed, waiting to repeat it all again. That’s what he did before he started hormones before he was able to change his legal documents; because that’s all he  _ could _ do.

It wasn’t like that for Harrison, Will doesn’t want to blame him for transferring schools. Before the party, Harrison was firmly in the closet, tucked behind his affinity for wearing his older sister's clothes; and Will respected that. He was okay with stolen kisses under the bleachers during lunch, or date nights in his basement when his parents were both still at work.

They couldn’t go out or hold hands or do anything straight couples could do, but Will got it; he could handle that. He could handle the bullying, he could handle the punches thrown at him and the sad looks he got from his sister. As long as it meant he got to stare into Harry’s eyes and watch his smile light up the room, it was enough.

Clearly, it wasn’t enough for Harrison. He transfers to a different school without so much as a word to Will. He thinks it’s because goodbye’s were never his thing. Then he thinks it’s because he did something wrong. Then he realizes it wasn’t his call to make either way, while his decision affected Will in a way he’d rather ignore, it was made. The only thing he could do was face the hardships, go to bed and repeat; just like he’d always done.

So that’s what he does, he goes to school, he gets a job. He studies, he plays hockey, he works, he saves for college. He does what he needs to do to get out of Portland because while it isn’t a small town he can’t see himself spending the next four years in a place that caused so much pain.

He finds a school that looks promising, a school that has a good Computer Science program, a school with a great hockey team (lead by Jack fuckin’ Zimmermann), and a school that’s LGBTQA+ friendly…

Will walks across that stage, waiting for his sister to do the same. They’re better now, it took some time and  _ a lot _ of tears, but he has his best friend back. And he promises to call every week, he knows every day will be a challenge, with hockey and his course load. But every week, he can do. He will do, because he’s not going to lose his best friend again.

He’s ready to go to Samwell, he’s ready to start a new chapter in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we have it! chapter two! this chapter actually took me a minute because it was dex's chapter. nursey just comes so easy for me!
> 
> i hope y'all are doing well and enjoyed this.
> 
> come hang out with me on tumblr! @dnurseys


	3. iii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choosing to go to Samwell was a good thing, being stuck with a linemate Nursey couldn't stand; however was not.

Like the romantic he is, Nursey has an affinity for falling in love with strangers in his day to day life. He’s sure this happens when he meets a kid about his height with bright red hair and about a million freckles dotting his face.

And sure, he makes some comment about the blonde kid who brought them pies. But Nursey would be lying if he said he's never said anything problematic in his life.

He passively wonders if he’ll see him in the fall, him and the kid that has the amount of enthusiasm that Nursey found himself hiding at Andover.

Samwell is a good choice, Nursey thinks.

 

\---

 

Choosing to go to Samwell was a good thing, being stuck with a linemate Nursey couldn't stand; however was not.

He was surprised to find out that the cute kid with red hair and freckles for days - now known as Dex - was grumpy and hot headed and always throwing weird looks when the topic of the lgbtqia community came up.

Nursey didn't want to think about it, how Dex’s odd behavior reminded him of Radley. But Nursey is chill, he keeps his distance and calls Thea. 

“Little bro, has this kid actually said anything homophobic, or are you just being dramatic?” Thea’s voice is a mixture of teasing and concern. Nursey clenches his jaw and rolls his eyes, though he knows it can't be seen. 

“You know how Samwell has that 1 in 4 thing, yeah?” He starts, sitting in a pile of leaves, raking his hand through them; enjoying the sound. Thea hums in response before he continues. “He sounded so disgusted when he asked if it was true. And Bitty was right there in the kitchen dude, it was hella awk. But C was there so it kind of defused the whole situation.” 

“Yikes, that doesn't sound good. But you don't know the whole story Dere-”

“He reminds me of him. Radley, I mean.” Nursey cuts off his sister who falls silent at the confession. She likes him just as much as Nursey does. 

“If he tries anything, let me know and I'll drive-” Nursey snorts and shakes his head again. 

“He's my height Thea, if you've forgotten I'm 6’2” 

“Like I give a fuck. I may have gotten Mom’s height but if I have to take down a giant I will. No one messes with my little brother.” Thea huffs out, Derek can imagine her right now. Wrinkles in between her eyebrows as they're pinched together in a pointed look. Derek feels himself missing his overly protective older sister. 

“I miss you.” He says so softly, he can almost hear Thea pout on the other end. 

“Miss you too kiddo. Look, I gotta go get ready for work. But be careful around that kid, okay? I'm serious, if he fucks with you I'm going to Samwell and kicking his ass.” Nursey barks out a laugh, feeling a million times better.

“Aye aye captain.” 

“Love you.” He's thinking of spring break. The two of them free to do what they want without the responsibility of school or work. 

“You too.”

 

\---

 

They're well into their freshmen year and Dex and Nursey still don't get along. Not for lack of trying by the rest of the team, especially Chowder; who called in Bitty to try and fix their problems.

Surprising to no one but Chowder himself, it doesn't work. Their latest fight blossoms in the kitchen of the Haus, Bitty’s baking and the frogs were enjoying the scent of peach cobbler wafting under their noses. 

They're all supposed to be working on homework, but Dex looks like he's going to vomit, or like he's constipated. Nursey raises he eyebrow and nudges to Chowder, he would care way more than Nursey would.

“Hey Bitty?” Dex asks, breaking the silence. Pausing on his task, Bitty turns to Dex and raises his eyebrow, instructing him to go on. Nursey hopes he does, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious to see Dex would say anything offensive.

“Are you out to your family?” He blurts out in a rush, the kitchen goes back to being silent. Chowder and Nursey look at each other before looking at Bitty who doesn't seem to be phased.

“Well Dex, my family is from a small town in the south, so.” He says tightly, it doesn't sound like he's upset. But Nursey is, already annoyed with Dex. 

He looks over at Dex who is sitting with his lip between his teeth and twiddling thumbs. He almost wants to ask what's going on before it all comes out.

“Did you get made fun of because of figure skating? Did people suspect you were gay? Were you ever outted? Did anyone get on you for transitioning to hockey?” They come out of Dex fast, Nursey’s eyes grow wide before they narrow in anger.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nursey says, looking between Dex and Bitty.

“What?” Dex ask looking at Nursey like he didn't just try to get every little detail about Bitty’s life.

“You! Your questions! Do you even realize how insensitive half of those were?”

“Nursey.” Bitty starts, his hands wringing a cloth between them. Nursey looks at Bitty before looking at Dex and rolling his eyes.

“I didn't think straight people really asked questions like that to feel better about themselves. But boy was I wrong.”

“Nursey, I don't think-”

“No.” He says sternly looking at Chowder. “This is bullshit, you can't just ask people shit like that dude.”

“How about you stop assuming shit about me for once, huh? That'd be fucking great.” Nursey laughed, honest to god laughed and shook his head; gathering his things. “Do you know what it's like to have people assume shit about you all the time without asking you if it's true or not?” Stopping, Nursey looked at Dex and tilted his head to the side.

“You can't be serious.” He says, pausing. When Dex doesn't respond Nursey laughs again. “Yeah, you're right. I don't know what's that like. I don't know a single fucking thing about people assuming shit about me before getting to know me. Yup.”

“I don't understand.”

“Of course you don't.” Nursey zips up his bag and the timer for the oven goes off. “Catch you guys later.”

He walks back to his dorm and face plants into his bed. He kind of feels like calling his sister. Or maybe his parents. Or maybe even writing. But instead he finds the half empty bottle of tequila, drinking it straight from the bottle.

White boys, they were all the same.

There’s a knock at his door, which he knows isn’t his roommate because one, he has a key and two he’s usually studying around this hour. Part of him hopes it’s Dex, who realizes what he said was fucked up, who realizes he shouldn’t pry into Bitty’s past.

“It’s open.” Nursey said, still laying in his bed. He didn't even bother to try to look less defeated.

In the end it’s Chowder who’s at his door, with an arms worth of candy they’re not supposed to be eating. Nursey watches Chowder’s eyes lock in on the tequila bottle before they meet his own. For a moment, Nursey is scared he's going to bring it up, but he doesn't.  

“I figured you could use a pick me up,” He said with a smile, his voice was soft; not like his usual enthusiasm. He knows people think of Chowder as this child-like person, who is all smiles and basically made of sunshine and rainbows, but Nursey never saw that.

Okay, maybe he did at first. But after they started talking and bonded over the fact that they’re frogs and new to SMH, he found out that Chowder was like… The wisest person ever. Besides like, his parents, or his sister. Sure, Chowder enjoyed life. He was going to the school his parents met at, he had friends; good friends. He was on a hockey team lead by hockey royalty. (Well, Chowder saw him that way, not matter what anyone said about Jack Zimmermann). He had a really awesome girlfriend who he pretty sure he was in love with. Chowder had a great life, but underneath all of that, he knew that life wasn’t always fair. Especially if you weren’t white. He just rather focus on the things in his life he could control.

“Thanks, C” The smile he wears is genuine, it usually is when he’s around Chowder. They sit on Nursey’s bed, shoulders touching the other. Chowder starts handing Nursey the candy, watching as his friend opens all the bags, taking one of each and shoving them all in his mouth.

“So, that was, uh. Fun?” Chowder says after some time, the room was silent before now and Nursey was surprised he waited this long to jump into it. He groans and flops sideways on his bed.

“You can’t tell me any of that was fair C. You can’t tell me that Dex had the right to go asking all those questions about Bitty and then have the fucking nerve to say I don’t know what it’s like to have people assuming things about me. Does he realize what I look like, where I’m from?” When he finishes, he huffs and crosses his arms, staring at the ceiling. He thought coming to Samwell meant he wasn’t going to be dealing with this kind of shit anymore.

During his dramatics, Chowder seemed to have gotten his hand on the candy and now he was playing with the ripped packaging. When he fiddled with things, Nursey knew he was collecting his thoughts, trying to make them concise before he said anything.

“I don’t think it was _right_ , but I don’t think he meant it offensively? There’s something about his tone. But I know you said Dex kind of reminds you of someone from Andover right? So I understand why you’d get upset so quickly.” Chowder is looking at Nursey now, though his fingers are still playing with the candy wrapper. “But, I think he was out of line with the assumptions.” He ended, finally looking at Nursey, handing him more candy.

“Thanks for the S.O.C.” Nursey says, smiling and taking the candy. Chowder snorts and rolls his eyes.

“Solidarity of color.”

After laughing Nursey pulls out his laptop and they watch Brooklyn 99 together, one of many shows Nursey and Chowder both love endlessly. After the fifth episode in a row, Chowder turns to Nursey. “Do you think you and Dex will ever get along?”

It’s not that Nursey hasn’t wondered this himself, he has. He _actually_ wants them to be friends, Hating your linemate is not ideal and makes the game harder. He knows if they were on the same page for once, maybe; just maybe their game would be better than average.

“I’d like to. I’m not sure I can say the same for Dex, though.” Chowder hums, and right there and then Nursey should’ve known Chowder was going to meddle. 

“Just be, what do you call it? _Chill_.” Nursey rolls his eyes hard at Chowder’s joke, laughing as he shoves him gently with his arm.

“I’ll be chill as long as he doesn’t say anything _too_ stupid.”

“That’s all I ask.”

 

\---

 

It’s half past noon on Friday and Nursey is fuming, he and Dex got into _another_ fight. Well, he’d say everything else up until this point was an argument. But this? This was an actual fight. Meaning that, Nursey raised his voice, he felt like he was back at Andover, fighting to keep his head above water.

He just didn’t understand why Dex didn’t _get it_. Didn’t he read the news, or hear what people said? Were people at Samwell just as racially ignorant as people at Andover? That couldn’t be, he was there, so was Chowder and Lardo and Ransom. But then again, it wasn’t their job to educate the white people in their lives about the shit they went through. It was too painful and too tedious to hash it out time and time again.

Maybe he just missed his parents and his sister and his city. The endless noise and the flashing lights. Maybe he just needed to get away from all of this. Maybe he just needed to go home. So he picks up his phone and calls his Mama, she answers on the third ring.

“Hey baby, what’s up?” Her voice is so creamy, Nursey feels his chest loosen, just slightly. He breathes out his nose and drags a hand down his face.

“Can I come home for the weekend?” He asks, quickly gathering his journals, pens, and laptop, shoving them in his bag.

“Of course honey! Are you okay?” Her voice is now riddled with worry, Nursey feels like a burden all of a sudden.

“Yeah, I just. Miss you. Miss Mom. Miss New York.” His sentences are short and he feels his chest tighten again, he’ll talk about it when he’s there. He can’t on the phone, while he’s walking out in public. He’ll probably start to cry and people will stare and he’ll get anxious and then it all spirals from there. 

“Derek.” She says so sternly it makes him laugh. He stops and takes a deep breath, he’ll be home soon. He’ll get to hug his mother's, and try to see if he can skype his dad. Check in on Thea and see how she’s doing.. Yeah, he could do that.

“Oh, sorry Mama. I, just. Can we talk about it when I’m there. I don’t want to get into it right now. 

“Okay. Would you rather bus or train?” She asks, Nursey hearing the tapping of the keyboard on the other end.

“Whichever is faster.”  He knows he’s lucky that this is an option. Derek never thought he was better than anyone else because of the money his family has. But he knows he's better off than most people, then again it's not his fault his parents have the jobs they have. He doesn’t make their money, but he benefits from it; so he gets it.

He gets why Dex sometimes sneers at him when he talked about his family trips. All of which is considered small talk in a place like Andover. He was surrounded by rich white people for so long he forgot, but he pulled back. So why couldn't Dex do the same? The kid wasn't stupid, he was able to attend Samwell on scholarships. But didn't he notice the way Nursey gets nervous when police or racism is brought up? Nursey isn’t the only one that has things to figure out.

“4:30 train sound good?” A voice calls, he forgot he was on the phone, startled he shakes his head before realizing his mother can’t see it.

“Yeah, yes. That sounds wonderful Mama, thank you.”

“Anytime sunshine. Try to relax okay, you’ll be home soon.” Nursey smiles, knowing he’s going back to his dorm to quickly pack a weekend bag. The fight he had with Dex already half out of his mind.

“Love you Mama.”

“Love you too Derek, see you soon!”

The only person he tells he's leaving for the weekend is his roommate, he doesn't want to talk to anyone on the team. Not after how they all looked at him like he was at fault. Like Dex wasn't the one that started it, that called him entitled and spoiled and delusional to how the real world worked. And yeah, okay. Derek is clumsy, and he doesn't know how to do certain things but doesn't make him naive. Looking the way he did, Derek had to grow up a lot faster than he wanted. So the hockey team could kiss his ass for all he cared.

He planned to write on the way home, but when he was shaken awake by someone, he looks down and sees a pen in his hand and his journal still closed.

“We’re at our stop kid,” a man in a uniform said.

“Thanks.” Nursey smiled, his voice scratchy from the impromptu nap he had taken.

He gathers his things, not that he had a lot. He had a weekend bag full of two pairs of clothes.

Nursey doesn't have to look hard to spit his mother. He sees her standing on the balls of her feet attempting to look over the crowd coming in, but it's futile. She's short and everyone else is a giant, as she likes to say. Once she spots him, her eyes light up instantly and Nursey feels so much better.

Gwen makes it to him first, grabbing his hand and tugging him down so she can wrap her arms around his neck and not his torso.

“My baby,” she coos, rubbing the apples of his cheeks before kissing them.

“Hi Mama,” he feels like a little boy, and that alone makes the world feel normal again.  
  


\---  
 

Their brownstone, as small as it made him feel as a kid always felt like home. Even when all of his parents were away on work and they had nannies. He never once felt like an outsider in his house, like some of his Andover friends once told him. 

The smell of home cooked food wafts through the air as they walk inside, Kaelani watching the food on the stove. Though Kaelani wasn't a parent in a biological sense, she was his mother. Thomas and Gwen met her a couple years before Thea was born; they've never heard the full story of how they actually became a triad. He hopes to find out one day.

“Look who decided to visit.” Gwen says with a bright smile as she stepping out of her shoes and hanging her jacket up in the closet.

Kaelani turns around, with a smile as big as Gwen’s, she's practically running towards Derek with open arms.

“Goodness, you haven't been gone that long how are you so much taller?” Derek laughs and shrugs his shoulders. He's pretty sure he hasn't grown more, but he does know he's gotten his father's height.

Just.. Being home is a good feeling. Being away from school and seeing his Moms for a little bit is enough. He knows he's going to curl into their arms at some point, he might even cry. But crying with his mother’s was better than crying alone in his dormroom.

“What's for dinner?” He asks, though he already knows the answer. The aroma coming from the kitchen was one he'd remember from his childhood. Kaelani looks up at him and smiles wide again, grabbing his hand she leads him to the kitchen.

Derek loves that they made his favorite, it was always his comfort food as a kid. Anytime he has issues at Andover, or when he was home on break they made it at least three times. Derek didn't realize how much he craved it until now.

“Your favorite, loaded mac and cheese,” Gwen says behind him. Her hands are on his arm, gently rubbing tiny circles into his skin. He's not sure what it is, being home, seeing his Moms, the fight he had with Dex, or the food. 

He feels the burn of his nose before his eyes start to water. He takes in a deep breath and rubs his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears before they actually fall. Once they do.. Everything else will just spill out of him.

...And that's exactly what happens. Gwen and Kaelani share a look before Gwen ushers him to the couch. Kaelani takes his bag, setting it on the counter. Silently volunteering to watch the food.

Gwen sits on the couch and Derek doesn't hesitate the to curl into her. His head laid in her lap, and her fingers twirling around his curls, her other hand on his shoulders as they shake.

He hates that Dex got to him like this. That he had to run away to New York, crying in his mothers arms like he's a four year old. Derek doesn't exactly notice when Kaelani joined them, but there she is next to Gwen, rubbing his calves.

“Do you want to talk about it honey?” Kaelani asks softly, they know if he wants to he will. But they also know he has to be asked sometimes. Derek nods and rubs his eyes, sniffling a little bit before maneuvering to sit up. He's handed a tissue and he smiles to his left.

“Thanks Mama.” His smile is so small that it breaks Gwen’s heart a little bit. After blowing his nose and a deep breath Derek is ready, he thinks. “It's my linemate. Dex. He's white and a republican and just. Hard to deal with. He doesn't get it. What it's like to be anything other than a straight white dude. You know? We don't get along and we’re always at each other's throats and it's not like I want to be fighting all the time!” Derek feels himself getting angry all over again and he has to stop and collect himself before continuing.

“I’d actually like to be his friend. But he's so stubborn and hard headed and always so aggressive when I'm trying to.. Show him what the world is like for other people. We got into a fight today and it was bad. Everyone looked at me like I was wrong for trying to get him to understand.” His voice is small as he twiddles his thumbs in his lap.

Gwen sighs and pulls him into her again, her hand is in his hair, gently petting him. Talking to his mothers was always easy, he knows he's lucky in terms of wealth. Derek knows he's lucky, his parents made sure their children knew that. He's never taken it for granted, but he's aware when he talks about his family it can come off as bragging.

But the luckiest thing he thinks he has is the relationship with his parents. Not the money, not the trips to Europe. But how easy it is to talk to them, how much they trust their kids, how much they love them and try their best to make sure they remain kind. If they lose all their money - which would admittedly suck, he honestly doesn't want that to happen - he knows he'd be okay, as long as he has his family.

They don't offer up advice on how to deal with Dex, and he's grateful. He's gotten it from Bitty, Holster, Ransom, Chowder, and his sister. He was good on advice for a bit. Right now all he wanted to do was sit and talk to his family.

“Do you think Dad and Thea are busy?” He asks looking at Kaelani. He watches her eyes meet Gwen’s over his head, who shrugs.

“Let’s find out.” And with that Kaelani is gone upstairs to retrieve her laptop, once she's back she starts it up, opens skype and calls their family group call.

Two and a half hours later, Derek is laughing more than he has the past week. His stomach actually hurts, and there's tears in his eyes; but tears of joy. It sucked, that his dad was away working and Thea was at school. But family skype calls were the next best thing, at least he was with his mothers and not holed away in his arm.

“You should've told me you were going home for the weekend dingus. I would've totally come!” Thea rolls her eyes, she looks sad almost. Derek understands, multiple times she's gone home and he couldn't because of a game.

“Sorry, it was kind of a last minute thing.” He tries not to look too sad about it, he doesn't want to rehash it all again. Not in front of their parents at least, he’ll text her about it later.

“Remember when you two couldn't stand each other.” Thomas laughs, both Derek and Thea groan as they roll their eyes; their parents laughing.

“You say it like we fought constantly.” Derek offers, fake pouting.

“You did. You were obsessed with Dorothea when she came home from Andover and she thought she was too cool for her younger brother.” Kaelani snickers.

“I was. I _am_.”

Derek loves Samwell, besides his ongoing dispute with Dex, it's a breath of fresh air compared to Andover. But being home? Probably the lightest Derek has felt since he left in the fall.

 

\---

 

Currently, it's going on four am and Derek is attempting to write. But his brain still feels cluttered and while talking to his family and being home has lifted some of the heaviness of his heart, he's still weighed down.

It's probably because he's trying to write about his Dad, attempting to come up with lyrical lines about the versatility of water. He knows it's there somewhere, he just… Can't grab it yet.

But he can see how ironic it is that Dex’s hair is bright red like fire, that he burns anything he touches, that Derek’s water and wants to extinguish Dex before he consumes a forest.

It would help, to get his anger out. But he can't form anything that captures the true rawness of his anger, his frustration, and exhaustion of being around someone like Dex.

 

So he does what any writer does in a time like this. ...He throws his journal about five feet from him in disgust, groaning because the one thing that always helps is leaving him out to dry and it's hella annoying okay?

The next thing he knows he feels his phone vibrate next to him. He knows it's Thea because no one on the team has bothered to see if he was still alive, which fine, whatever he doesn't care. (Only that he does.)

**THEA:** So, what's the deal lil bro? What's with the impromptu trip home?

**DEREK:** Dex and I got into a fight. Hella unchill and shit.

**THEA:** Fuck, are you okay? Do I need to make a trip up?

Derek sits and stares at his phone, it's funny that he's smiling. But he thinks it's amazing that Thea would drop everything to come and see him. Granted he's closer to home than she is, but she'd do it. He knows that for a fact. He's… Better. Probably not the best he could be. Being in New York is better than being at Samwell right now.

**DEREK:** Dude, you're in Chicago.

**THEA:** And?

Derek stares at his texts, remembering how they were never this close when they were younger. And now? He couldn't imagine a day without talking to Thea. He'd never tell her, but she was kind of his hero.

**THEA:** Dere. Seriously, do you need me to come?

**DEREK:** No, I'm good. I'll save my call for when it's really bad.

**THEA:** I hope it never gets to that.

**DEREK:** Me either.

He never gets the words out, no matter how deep he's looking into himself. Which just makes him want to punch something. So he smokes to chill the fuck out and face plants into his bed.

Tomorrow would be a better day.

 

\---

 

His day starts out with his favorite breakfast, (eggs sunny side up, bacon, waffles, and sausage), and freshly squeezed orange juice.

He sitting at the bar in the kitchen, with his legs crisscross like he was ten again, his mothers pet his hair and press kisses into his temples before they run off to work. Promising they’ll all do something later. They're nervous to leave him alone, but he assures them its chill.

He texts Florence and Sterling, the only two friends from Andover that lived in New York. Stevie was in Europe, doing god knows what and Cordelia found her way in California.

Luckily for him, Florence and Sterling were free; which means Derek gets to bribe them into treating them to lunch as they catch up.

As he's on his way, Derek can't help but smile at the old and the new. There's a new bakery two blocks away that used to be a Jamaican cafe. But there's a bodega five blocks down that's standing proud.

He waves at the owner, unsure that he'll remember him. But once Derek sees the familiarity flash across his face, warmth is spread through his chest. Their exchange is nothing extensive, Derek doesn't stop by like he probably should. Just a smile and a wave, a simple passing between familiar strangers.

Once he catches sight of Flo’s brightly colored hair, he feels giddy, the thought of Samwell or problematic white boys aren't even a thought in his head.

The tiny bell goes off as he walks through the door of the family run business. The strong scent of coffee fills Derek’s nose, wrapping around him like a warm blanket.

Sterling turns and sees Derek before he even has a chance to wave over at the pair. With himself too wrapped up in distant memories, Sterling is there in his face, their smile as blinding as it's always been.

“Come join the land of the living dude.” They say, looking down at Derek. They're the same height, but Sterling usually wears heels. As cute as they are, Derek doesn't need aid in tripping over his own feet. Sterling takes his hand and he's walked over to the table they're sharing with Flo.

Who was writing down frantically in a beaten up journal. It was small and brown like the color of her eyes. Her handwriting is like this weird chicken scratch mixed with script. Nursey has never been able to read it, but Sterling can.

They kick her chair and Flo looks up, her hard composure turns soft once she sees Derek. He feels some sort of pride burst through his chest. The same feeling he feels whenever Lardo praises him or gives him a bright smile in his direction. He realizes, Flo and Lardo resemble each other. In the sense that they're both small, bad-ass, and could probably pick up Derek if they really wanted to.

He suddenly misses her, making a mental note to text her once he's home.

“Long time no see kiddo!” Soon her arms are around his torso, and He's tempted to lean down and pick her up but he doesn't want to lose his life.

“Hey yourself.” He says, pulling out a chair once Flo steps back from their embrace. Sterling returns to their seat and he looks at them. They look the same, kind of. Not as much baby fat, and there's slight differences that make them look older.

He figures he looks the same to them.

“What's up man? You fuck off to Samwell and don't gives us a heads up about coming down for the weekend?” Sterling giving him shit, like they've always done. It kind of reminds him of Chowder’s playful chirping. He should text him too, and the team. Maybe.

Derek ducks his head, it won't show on his skin, his blush. But his face feels hot, most of it on the apples of his cheeks. Though just because it doesn't show on his face doesn't mean there aren't any other indicators.

Flo remembers, not that he thought she wouldn't. As one of the best poets he knew she had excellent attention to detail. Something that escaped him.

“Is that the famous Derek Nurse blush face?” She teases, reaching over and poking one of his dimples. Derek bats her hand away and chuckles.

“No.” There's no conviction behind his voice, the three of them know that. But they don't speak about it. “Chill.”

“How're things?” Derek winces at how stupid that sounds. Small talk was never his thing. Sterling and Flo smile at each other, it's as endearing as it is creepy.

Derek almost gave them the abridged version of his time at his new school. But these were his friends. People who stuck by him during one of the hardest times in his life.

So, he tells them. He tells them about the team and the friends he's made, the classes he's taken, the poetry he's written.

He tells them about Dex. And how they can't get be around each other off ice or something will happen. He tells them why he came home for the weekend. And while it sucks to have to think about everything about him and Dex again, it's nice to get out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooooow. wooow woow. when was the last time i updated? back in mARCH? why am i this way?
> 
> tbh (life and depression kind of got in the way), but here we are!! another chapter! it's also pretty long. sorry not sorry??
> 
> i'm supeeees excited cause now we're in all the samwell stuff and i'm p u m p e d to write the slow burn that is dex and nursey's friendship and love.
> 
> come hang with me on tumblr! @dnurseys


End file.
